Friday, January 13, 2006

Pete Rose + HOF= Dude of Life #1 Hit

The annual baseball Hall of Fame announcements were made the other day and Pete Rose once again did not make it (due his banishment for gambling). But hey, at least Gregg Jefferies got 2 votes.

In a perfect world Pete Rose is reinstated into baseball and is elected to the Hall of Fame. This becomes huge news, making headlines everywhere and the publicity somehow miraculously popularizes (really) minor celebrity The Dude of Life's song "Pete Rose", catapulting it to the top of the Billboard charts. Not just number one, it's #1 with a bullet. The Dude gets his 15 minutes of fame. The Dude is huge, the press calls him the next Deep Blue Something. The Dude becomes a victim to cruel irony when he trips and falls on national TV because like his lyrics state, he cannot outrun the paparazzi (probably because he's wearing a 3 foot tall Uncle Sam hat and a white suit with tails).

Jay-Z decides to make a remix of The Dude's first album Crimes of the Mind, an indirect result of the epic Jigga/Dude meeting backstage after Jay-Z performed at the Phish show from Coney Island in 2004. They had bonded over their mutual love of white hats and pimp canes. The album tanks like a Madonna movie, but Jay-Z's followup comeback single "99 Problems but a Hit Ain't One", prophetically becomes a hit and silences the critics. The Dude quietly recedes back to his job at Sam Ash in White Plains. Trey Anastasio, jealous of The Dude's sudden popularity, gets Phish back together for a 50 date tour including a record 7 consecutive nights at the mothership. And the world is in balance and at peace once again.

category: music_