Endangered Species Returns to New York City
A species once thought to be extinct in the New York City region has returned with a vengeance. Today at the uptown exit ramp to the Midtown Tunnel I spotted the endangered homo squeegeeus, or as they are more commonly known- the squeegee man. The species was once widespread throughout all five boroughs at bridge and tunnel approaches as well as busy intersections. The squeegee man was thought to have been eliminated to extinction by former mayor Rudy Giuliani (or not), but now appears to be making a comeback.
Scientists have reclassified the squeegee guy from extinct to endangered. A Manhattan sociologist commented, "This is a truly a phenomenal find. It is imperative that we trap a second one, so as to have a breeding pair and ensure the survival of the species. Alas, the female squeegeeus is much rarer." Sam Champion's hair said, "Global warming is clearly a factor in driving the squeegee man from the warmer southern regions. Global warming is also giving me an awesome man tan this year. I won Village Voice's best fake tan on a local weatherman in 2004 and I expect a win in the real tan category this year."
This squeegee guy managed to extort at least $10 in the few minutes I watched him at "work". He's holding a buck in his left hand in the picture. About 1/3 of the cars used the pull up fast method of avoidance, 1/3 used the windshield wipers, and the rest let him "clean" their windshields. A half hour later I saw him in the back of a NYPD van. Of course, sometimes the squeegee can be used for good.