I have found the greatest contraption/insult since the douche bag- the putzmeister. Breaking down putzmeister to it's Latin roots, we get putz and meister. Putz meaning penis in Yiddish and meister meaning master in German. So in other words this awesome machine is the cockmaster. A large cockmaster. The guy who operates this thing would be called a cockmaster pumper, which probably looks really great on the resume if you're trying to get into porn.