Who Are You Weird People?

Here's a sampling of the latest Google searches that brought people to this here blog, the greatest blog with Velvet in the title in all the internetland. Now with bonus snark action commentary and extensive use of italics, I will evaluate you the reader and try to help you find your way:

halal chicken taquitos producers
this is proof right here that the terrorists are trying to get in via the Mexican border.

survivorman is not filming himself
false! he is absolutely filming himself, he uses a "tripod", don't you watch the show?

dog the bounty hunter pumkin pattern
first off, you spelled pumpkin wrong. secondly, that is the worst idea for pumpkin carving, it's neither cool nor scary. well maybe a little scary. his wife on the other hand- you'd need two to do her justice.

wanda sykes upskirt
you sick pervert. wanda sykes is a great talent and should be recognized for comedy and not the booty level. she's no elaine boosler.

tv anchor upskirt
you sick perv. with poor search skills. you have to be more specific. which tv anchor? clearly you don't care who and have some sort of TV anchor upskirt fetish and should seek help

largescale ride on trains in back yard
alright calm down Ricky Schroeder wanna be, is this for you or for the kids? cause they kids would be happy with a large empty box.

who sings i'm all out of love the new
Air Supply. they also sing "Two Less Lonely People in the World" and "Every woman in the world". With this new info, "Even the Nights Are Better" and I practically made love to this answer..out of nothing at all...making love..out of nothing at all..making love.

rachel ray fat ankles
see cankles. i always suspected but could never verify. she does have manhands, wonder if there's a correlation

for one second i felt like a fish cruising around in the sea string cheese lyrics
lay off the acid brah. that's what we call a bad trip. you'll never get out of this maze.

hippie velvet backpack
definitely sooo last years boho look thing..you might as well wear Ugg boots for mittens, this is a fashion disaster waiting to happen.

model in skimpy yankees uniform
you query doesn't specify female or male, nor home or away jersey. might i suggest the more sexual basketball pants with breakaway buttons down the side for instead removal.

madonna s&m outfit
overrated! way too theatrical to be erotic. NBC will show this but they're NOT going to show the part in her show where she is wheeled in on a crucifix. So S&M Madonna ok, Jesus Madonna, no.

grapefruit jared leto
what the hell could you possibly find linking Jaret Leto to grapefruits? Yeah, he's a little fruity but that's only partial linkage. unless he's packing some major pants fruit.

chris farley figure skating mp3
i don't want to spoil your fun with this but you'll probably find video of chris farley figure skating to be way more amusing than the audio, although I'm sure he had sone zingers as he slipped on the ice. adjust your search or you'll end up with no computer skills living in a van down by the river.