Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Slow Bus Smells Like Tuna

Sometimes the bus is the slowest possible way to get from one place to another. Usually because some crazy old white lady (and it's always an old lady- never a man) is asking the bus driver her third question before getting on the bus. Seriously lady, couldn't you ask one of the people standing at the bus stop with you while you were waiting for the bus? Since the MTA technically doesn't allow you to talk to the driver while the bus is in motion, I propose that the MTA demand that all pickups be made at a very slow rate of speed- ferris wheel style, thus eliminating old lady banter delays.It's not always the old lady though; sometimes it's the 43 year old men with the light blue 2 sizes too big Mets hat, fake Member's Only jacket in real pleather, bulky around the neck headphones with the AM/FM radio built right into the earphones, military issue/Elton John thick lensed glasses, wispy mustache, and pants that ride up halfway up their calves when they sit revealing boat shoes and mismatched gray striped socks held up by sock garters, searching through their tan reusable 20 year old shopping ecobag thing for enough quarters to finally get on board the bus before sitting down next to you and chewing on a Wonder bread tunafish sandwich with their mouths open. There's not much the MTA can do about that, but at least they can fix their fallen signs.
category: nyc_